New Identity

If you have read my post titled, "A Call To Move," you will know that God has called my husband, Tim and I to move from our home state of Delaware to Tennessee. When God first told me that we would move out of state, I was so excited. I am always excited to start new adventures. Tim on the other hand was not looking forward to it. He does not take change very well and I'm sure a lot of you can probably relate. He trusts me that when I hear from God, He knows I want to be obedient. Even though it was uncomfortable for him to give up his life, his work, family, etc., we had to act in obedience, even when we don't understand. I too had to give up my family, friends, home, my position at our home church to go where God said to go. Neither of us ever lived out of Delaware. I did live in Federalsburg, MD for 2 years of my life. But it was only a 30 min drive east to where I grew up, which was Bridgeville, DE. So, I don't know if I want to consider that living too far away from home. It's not like it was hours away and moved back to Delaware, to move away from Delaware again. I'm giving an explanation of just how hard this move has been. It was a 12-hour drive away from everything we ever knew. 

We started to look for a place to rent, but to no avail. I was offered a job here, so we kept looking and praying, but no doors were opening. I asked the Lord to please give us a place to live since it was, He who called us here. I was about ready to decline the job offer because we couldn't find a place. So, then my daughter's in-laws offered for us to move in with them until we found a place. So, Tim and I took them up on their offer and moved in. We rented a U-Haul trailer to move some of our stuff. Unfortunately, it wasn't big enough to fit all of our stuff. So, a good friend of mine offered to use some of her attic space for my decor and some miscellaneous stuff. We got rid of our furniture and moved the rest of our stuff in a self-storage unit and moved in our clothes, our personal hygiene items, and some food in with us in our current bedroom. Tim was under so much stress with the move. I encouraged Him that it was going to work out and that when God calls us to something, He has a reason for it. He understood. 

My new job became very stressful, very quick. During my interview, I was not informed I would be trained in 2 different departments. I was informed however that I would be working 2 different shifts, but only temporary until they hired more help. I had hope that I could make it work. It ended up overwhelming me to the point that I was concerned for my mental health. Everything hit me all at once. Between a new state, people I don't know, in a home that was not ours, covering an evening shift and night shift was hard and having to fight my sleep to stay awake. The job was an hour away from where I'm living, so the drive while sleepy was hard. Then being trained in 2 departments. It was so much to process, so fast. This place was an awesome place to work for. I had awesome co-workers. The place was a homeless shelter (Knox Area Rescue Ministries, "KARM" in Knoxville, TN) and working for those that were without a home and they each had their own story and background. Some lost their home because they left an abusive relationship or parents. Some lost their home because their spouse pasted away and couldn't afford to keep their home and no one to help them or no family to take them in. Some lost their homes because of their addiction to drugs. Some of their stories was heart breaking. For some, unfortunately, they brought it on themselves with poor choices. They are all people, just like us with different personalities. But some were very rude and ungrateful for all the help the volunteers and employees were doing for them. There was a schedule to keep, and some do not like authority. Some acted like animals and had no respect for rules. Then of course, you would meet the nicest people and to hear their story was heartbreaking. I loved on a few ladies, and they were trying hard to get their lives back together by going through the programs to get back on their feet again. At the front counter, which was one department I was trained in was the craziest part of the job. There would be 10-30 or more people hanging around the front desk waiting to be called for mealtime. It got chaotic and stressful. Another department was the dorm room. That was not so bad and less chaotic. There were times the ladies got into arguments, but nothing we couldn't handle. 

Between the stress of the job, the stress of the move, living in a home that was not ours is when reality started hitting me. It was like I had hit the ground running and did not have any time to process everything. I wanted to run back home (to Delaware) to my comfort zone. I wanted to quit my job, but I knew it was not the logical thing to do. I grew up with the mindset that we do not leave our job without another one lined up. I was fighting something, but didn't know what. I knew I was at this job to learn something. I asked the Lord what it was He was teaching me through this job. This will be a blog for another time, but He did answer me one evening on my way to work saying, "too many voices." I knew immediately what He meant. As I continued to talk to God, I asked Him, "I don't know if I am fighting to stay or fighting to leave," and "do I stay, or do I leave?" I will do anything He tells me to do, even if I have to continue to suffer at this job, I will stay. I did not get an answer right away. I went onto work. The next day back here to the house, I continued to pray. I felt so stressed, so overwhelmed, I wanted to cry. A few times at work, I had to excuse myself to the lady's room, just to cry. I felt so extremely uncomfortable and felt out of place. I didn't feel I belonged there. During my orientation, I even felt in my spirit that this would be a temporary job. I just didn't know how temporary. As I prayed, I asked the Lord what to do and He answered me saying, "it's time to close the door. The door has to close in order to make room for new doors to open." Then I felt a peace come over me and a release that it was ok to leave. It was a peace and a knowing that I cannot explain. The Lord was allowing the discomfort to happen, or else I would not leave. It was like I was being squeezed to leave.

As time went on, Tim and I were talking one day about my experiences with the job and everything else going on in our life. While speaking to Tim, God started speaking to me. He said, "now you understand what I am doing. I wanted to be sure it was My voice you were listening to and not the voice of man." Again, this peace came over me and I knew I did the right thing. There were times where I wondered if I did the right thing. Between people judging me, looking at me like I am crazy, and the financial difficulties we were dealing with. I felt in my spirit as though the Lord was telling me to stop looking behind me. Stop focusing on the past and focus on the here and now and what He is teaching me and preparing me for. 

Then the tables turn. My husband started to really love it here in Tennessee. He found some places he loves to go and one of those favorite places is a store called Royal King. He said he feels like we belong here and doesn't want to go back to Delaware. Whereas I, I am finding it difficult. It is going on 5 months, and I still have a hard time accepting it all. I asked the Lord, "why am I having such a hard time accepting this? I believe that if we had our own home, it would be easier. I started to describe what I was feeling in my spirit. It felt like someone had given me a new outfit that I did not pick out and it's uncomfortable. This new outfit makes me feel like I am being given a new identity. BINGO!! I received revelation as soon as I said that. God is giving me a new identity. It all started making sense. It's the old wineskins and new wineskins. The new wine cannot go in the old wineskins, it can only go into the new wineskins.

Luke 5:37-39

And no one puts new wine into old wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined. But new wine mut be put into new wineskins, and both are preserved.

What I was experiencing is like a Father who owns a company. Let's say for example, a law firm. The lawyers wear suits and tie. The Father has a son he has been raising. The son wears his own style of clothes. He graduates high school and goes into law school, passes his bar exam. Now, the Father tells his son it's time to come work for his law firm. This means the son will have to get rid of his clothes and put on the new suit. It will feel uncomfortable for a while because he isn't used to it. Now he has a new identity. It's no longer "student," but now he is a lawyer. Same was true with Jesus training the disciples. Once Jesus was resurrected and went to be with His Father, the disciples put on their new garments which was to be the Apostles and went onto preaching to the nations and spreading the gospel.

New garment scripture references:

Zechariah 3:3-5

Luke 5:36-39

Isaiah 61:3

Does all this sound familiar? It is time to put on my new garments, meaning my new self, my new identity. God is washing away some old habits, old ways, old mindsets, old life, and to put on my new self which is my new identity in Christ. I am to embrace the discomfort, the tests, the endurance, the training, the teaching, etc. There is purpose for my pain. It's not a setback, but a set up. He is training me to lean on Him more than I ever have before. To get rid of the outside distractions and to focus solely on Him. I am in my wilderness. Not because I did anything wrong, but I am doing it right. He is training and preparing me for ministry, just as Jesus went through His wilderness, He too was tempted by the devil. However, He was also preparing for His ministry.

I hope my story encourages someone else. If you need prayer, have questions, want to leave me an encouraging word, or have your own testimony to share, please leave it in the comments or share it on the "testimony" page. I could also use the prayers as I work through my transition. I know many of us are going through something very similar. Love to you all and God bless.